Thursday 8 April 2010

Equality for women? Undervalued Mums?

Another Friday! Where does the time go? I hope you all enjoyed a lovely Easter and had the lovely weather which we had in Lancashire.... It was so spring like!  In fact so spring like, it inspired me to draw and paint this little creature!

 She is unfinished as yet.............!

Of those of us who are Mums, is there anyone who feels like society undervalues the role of Motherhood?  Out of the Mums who go out to work, I wonder how many of them actually feel that time has moved on in the way it is claimed to have done?  Have we women really got the equality that we have been told we have?

Too often the truth is, that, yes women now have the opportunity to study and achieve jobs that they could have only dreamed of years ago, but it seems to me that a high percentage of women who now work full time are still also carrying out all the 'traditional' chores that they always have done! Ok, a lot of men do help out more, and spend more time with the children, etc., still it would appear that women are multi-tasking big time these days! In fact, what fantastic multi-taskers we women are! I only have to read all the wonderful blogs out there to see what mammoth acheivements are under our noses everyday! Working, selling, crafting, baking, bringing up a new generation...... the list is so long!

Not one of mine!   Sourced from the internet

Some women who work are reported to be suffering a great deal of stress, and can feel guilty that they can not spend more time with their children. Other women who are stay at home Mums often say that they feel under-valued. I know that when I was bringing up the children at home all day, when I did venture out to some adult occasion, one of the first question I was always asked was " and what do you do?" Once I had replied that I was a housewife and looked after children all day, more often than not, they were visibally unimpressed, and could barely stop themselves from yawning!

 OOOH, what do you do? I stay at home and look after the children.......

My sister- in-law agreed with me, telling me that she felt like people suspected that she must be the most uninteresting person in the world. Believe me, she is not, and never will be!  Why is such importance put on title and salary, and why does someone have to be making money to be considered worthwhile to others? After all even Mums who don't go out to work are still working...hard!

 Sourced from the internet!

Besides being very hard work, bringing up children, in my opinion, whether you work or not, is the most important and rewarding job you could possibly do, so why is it not regarded more highly. What could be more wonderful than nurturing a tiny child into an adult, giving them as good an experience as we can, making sure that they have a childhood to look back on with warmth. I have mentioned before, but George and I adopted our three children, and from the start, due their ages and other issues, the social worker preferred me to be a stay at home Mum, so that is what I did. I enjoyed all the domesticity and cosiness of home, but I do understand that not all of us are the same. Some women love their jobs, and others go to work through necessity. A lot of women work these days, perhaps most,  so taking into the consideration the fact that a lot of women do go out to work.............

.................What about the media?  Why are we still being bombarded with adverts on the TV which  show women dusting, and hoovering, and carrying out all the 'traditional' domesticated tasks.   Why not men?  Little girls are still bombarded by the media with images of domesticity,  and boys still with guns, fighting and action!



In my first marriage, I had no children but worked full time, and yet I was still expected to wash, iron, cook, clean, shop, etc. One of the things that would really grate on me was that although we both worked full time, and on occasion, I often worked longer hours, It was I who had to tend to the household management and when things were not done, eyes did not look toward my husband as the rather shabby housekeeper,  oh no! They looked towards me! His Mother would have looked down on me, but my Mother would have encouraged me to go on strike!

                                                How True!.......................................................

He could always get away with lolling inert on the sofa! Have things really changed that much since I wonder? I would like to say yes, but have they?  What do you think? Some men now really do take on a more hands on approach to the children and home.... but how many stragglers are there still out there? Quite a few I suspect! For the women who have a straggler in their lives and who also work, they now have more workload than their pre-women's movement ladies! As they now have a full-time job too, as well as all those chores! Yes, we do now have labour saving devices, but even so ! .........

One of my stitcheries

Whatever we choose to do, or have no choice, work, stay at home or a mix of the two, society should value our mothers so much more!  I really should have posted this for Mother's Day!

Before I go again, I would like to thank Tracey, my lovely friend and partner in laughing out loud at what life throws us for this very  happily recieved award!


I am supposed to tell you all  seven things about me that you may not already know. Hmmmm, there are some, but I think I will not! Ha ha!

 Ok then!
1:  I still suck my thumb! Yup!
2:  I am double-jointed and can get in a lotus position, but these days... I may not get out of it again!
3: My wolf whistles, which I learnt from the boy next door when I was 14, can echo for what seems like miles across hill and dale.
4: I like eating left over takeaway curry for breakfast... Oh yes, I do.
5: When I was little I wanted a monkey as a pet so much that I made up a story to my Mum, that the man next door had one... and she told everybody that he had. Then I had to go and tell them all that he did not!
6: When I was little I used to make friends with children who nobody wanted to be friends with. One little girl smelled so bad, but I persevered and tryed to pretend I couldn't smell anything! But it was awful! It was dire! But I wanted her to feel loved, so I sat listening to her and trying not to inhale!
7: I am actually a real loner, and can go for long periods of time without seeking out any ones company at all, but heres the twist... I am a really friendly person and love people! I even suspect that there are people who have known me for years who don't  realise I could actually become a real recluse or hermit, and be happy!

Here are my nominees! I really almost didn't choose anyone as I find it so hard! I don't like to at all!

The Girl
Mummy mad
Valerie
Dee
MMB
Jacqueline


And everyone else too..Please take this award!

Also a big thank you to my lovely, and caring friend Jacqueline who has dedicated this lovely post to me! All about the fight to survive the dreadful disease that breast cancer is. Thank you  so much, you are such a warm and beautiful soul!

Anyway all you lovelies, have a wonderful and happy weekend, and I shall be catching up with you as soon as I can do! 

Lots of love  Suzie xxx

35 comments:

  1. So well written! I've always looked after kids, mine then everybody elses! Now I'm an unpaid carer for my husband, still I wouldn't want it any other way...(she says with crossed fingers!) Are you still having to faff about with Aunty septic?! My sympathies! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  2. Thank you Tracey< I KNOW you understand! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  3. It is true that women, especially moms are so underated. I had to work when my girls were growing up, but that didn't keep me from having to still do all the housework, etc... I made sure to spend quality time with my girls and made sure that they got to participate in many activities, but it wasn't easy!

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  4. I totally agree with you. I've always looked after my three children, but my husband has also always done half the housework -sometimes more- and always shared with the caring of our disabled daughter. And yes, I do find that people look down on you for 'just' being a housewife, or 'just' being a carer! - I make a point of never asking anyone what they or their husband do!
    I'm exactly like your 7th thing you have told us about yourself too!
    Sorry for the long comment!
    Have a good day, Donna

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  5. I like your little spring fairy- can't wait to see it finished!
    Aw, geez... That second to last pic... Housework... SO VERY true! Ugh!

    This was a very thoughful post. I relieved I'm not the only SAHM that sometimes feels under-valued... I don't want to upset anyone... BUT I get really burned up if I say,"Whew, I'm tired!" and it's reciprocated with "It's not like you went to work all day!" The nerve of some ppl! Chasing a toddler, taking care of two dogs, the inside and outside of the house,.. (the list, as you well know, goes on and on...) On top of the things that I want to do for myself... WHEW! TOo bad there weren't more hours in a day so I could even slip in 6-8 straight hours of sleep!

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  6. You know I've never had an issue with being an at home mum, probably because I absolutely love it. No one has ever made me feel like I'm a second grade citizen for it either. Maybe because I think I'm so fortunate to be able to stay at home with my girls I don't let other peoples thoughts worry me. I really don't know how some women do it working and then coming home to a family. I'd be so grumpy and so much more unorganised if that were possible!

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  7. You are absolutely right about housework. I work full time partly because I love my job but also because I have always needed to. My sister is a full time mum to 3 young children and sometimes I really envy her her life . I guess it would be nice to have a bit of both. Recently my daughter had to do a survey about housework for her sociology GCSE and it was pretty clear that women still do the majority of housework regardless of whether they go out to work or not. I though it was pretty evenly share in my house until we actually wrote all of the tasks down !
    Ann x

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  8. I love hearing about your experiences with housework and jobs, or not jobs as the case may be. Sarah, I am pleased to hear that you have never had any issues with peoples attitudes! I always loved staying at home, I couldn't think of a nicer place to be! But thats just me girls! xxx

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  9. Hi lovely! Congrats on your well deserved award!..you made me laugh a lot, as I used to be friend to a little girl who sweat a bit much and didn't smell so good..that's why I can't live without deodorant, ha ha!
    Have a great weekend, lots of love!
    xxxxxxx

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  10. I can really relate to your 'first marriage situation' I am living it! I have to work to pay the bills but have the advantage of having a job that involves my love of yarn/knitting etc... I do feel like a doormat at home but one day the worm will turn. To be honest it suits me to go with the flow at the moment.
    Thanks for your lovely comments.
    Take care and have a fab weekend.
    Nicky x

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  11. Hey Suzie!

    This really made me laugh! So true! While I don't yet have any children I do have an 'unconventional' job for a woman. I am a signal engineer on the Underground (now, manager level), so spend my days jumping off trains and fixing signalling issues! I am the only female and feel I have had to work far harder than any of the men to gain the respect of the position.
    I also, until recently, was in a relationship where I felt a great deal of pressure to conform to a traditional 'housewife role' as well as working a demanding shift pattern (where I was treated as though I was off on a jolly up intead of work)I was, quite frankly, streached to breaking point getting no rest.
    My ex would sometimes not even answer the phone (regardless of what I was doing at the time!)
    I think being a stay at home parent is hard work (It was hard enough looking after a fully grown baby!)
    My Mum stayed at home with us and I think it is very important!
    Unfortunately a lot of girls in my generation just won't have that option, most of us need to work to pay bills :(
    That said I would pack in work tomorrow if I could!

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  12. I stayed home for 11 years with my children, then went back to work on the weekends to earn some extra pennies, leaving my Hubby looking after the children. I gave that job up to work from home, as I missed being with them all on the weekends.
    I have chosen to be here for them, making sacrifices along the way. I was always left at home alone when I was little and I see such a difference in my children's childhood from the one I had, where my parents where always at work.
    I will probably upset some people by saying this, but a stay at home Mum is a really important job, that is the one's who are not just doing it to be lazy and claim benefits, but the ones who are doing it to bring up their children to be decent members of today's society, they deserve a bloody big pat on the back...x

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  13. I work part time, but this is only a recent thing in the last 15yrs before that I was a full time mum. I think I would rather be at home, I don't care what people think of me. I prefered to look after the boys, when they were old enough to look after themselves I went back to work, lucky enough to have had two jobs in last 15yrs one in a two person Post office where it was a laugh everyday with the boss and customers and then in the local craft shop where I am in my element! But I still would rather be at home!

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  14. Oh my little sweet sizie girl, I relate so much to what you say about being an extrovert but at the same time a recluse. I sometimes have to make myself get out. And the funny thing when my kids were growing up the one thing in the world I woanted was to be able to be a stay at home mom, and now they're all in their 40's and I stay home with no kids to care for. Life is funny. You newest little sketch is one of my faves. Luvs ya girl and be good to yourself this weekend, Mollye

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  15. I am not a mom, but I totally agree with everything you wrote! Just based on watching my own mom, and now my friends...I believe moms are the heroes of the world!

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  16. I loved your post today and it is a very interesting point. I feel exactly like your sister in law when someone ask me " are you working?". I swear that next time I will answer, that yes, I do work A LOT bringing up my son. The work of a woman that decides to stay at home to bring up their children are always underestimate. I think it is the most amazing work of self giving without not getting money back but something way more valuable, the love of your children.
    I am a stay at home mum and I am proud of it! :)
    Have a wonderful weekend!
    xx

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  17. Hi Suzi - If you suck your thum & can do yoga - can you suck your big toe too ? !
    I love your new drawing. I have loved being a stay at home mum - we can sa we are
    "Managers"!

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  18. Hey ya Suzie,

    I have come out of Easter hiding to firstly thank you for my award! you are such a star.

    And secondly I just love this weeks post. I have to say one of the things I have found being at stay at home mum or learned is that we us women can be each others worst enemy.

    I have often said to one of my friends that isnt it funny how we have supposed to evolved as a race and have equality etc, but we as women are still judged by yesteryear standards. How we look, how we raise our children how dirty/clean our houses are. We are still measured in this way and our Male counter parts are not. You could be a rocket scientist and still if you have a skanky loo then you are a slovenly so and so. Of course you could argue its about standards and general hygene, which yes is true but do we really judge men the same way or do we expect skany loos and rotten fridges still? Rocket scientist or not? And yes I am afraid it is our sisterhood that can be the worse ones for juding each other decisions and standards.

    And to be honest I am dreading my youngest going to school because I know someone is bound to ask the imortal question So what are you going to do now? yikes. lol.

    Sorry for long comment but i think its a post that will strike a cord in every woman!

    Have a great week.

    MBBx

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  19. As Kelly mentioned above, I stayed at home for 20 years looking after my kids, I would not change a thing!!! It's true, because we say it ourselves - "I'm only a housewife"!! ONLY!!! We multi-task and work 24/7, it's a big thing!!! I also know that Kelly has not had an easy ride at work too, due to male prejudice!!! Ok, enough!! Have a wonderful weekend!!
    xxxx

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  20. Guess what? I found the cutest rhinestone owl you have ever seen. It totally reminded me of you. So, here is the deal, I can't find the email with your address. Can you send it to me again? I am so excited. I hope you like it. It is much bigger too! Blessings, Martha

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  21. Oh Suzie-another post that hits the nail on the head!
    When Amy was born I made the decision to be a stay at home mom and I've never regretted it. She is now 14 and will leave home in just 4 short years. While the thought of this breaks my heart, I am happy that I was able to stay home with her. Over the years I've been told I was "lucky that my husband and I had so much money that I didn't have to get a real job like other women" (Ha!that still makes me laugh-and mad too!) and I've had people assume I must be boring because I didn't work outside the home. I don't care, because I have loved raising my child and I am thankful that I was able to stay home and spend all that time with her when she was little-and even now too that she is older (when it's equally important!)
    As for housework-just when I think I have a handle on things and am efficient and competent I do something like I did last night-set my cast iron frying pan on fire!
    Have a good weekend my Dear, and thank you for the award!
    XX Valerie

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  22. Being a mom is the greatest profession in the world. Raising a person, what a high calling. I was thrilled to hear you adopted your children. I love that about you.
    I had three years in a row that I was able to stay at home and during that time, I brought our family out of debt by paying the bills, bartering, trading, clipping coupons and going to the library and doing without. It was one of the best times in my life learning to simplify and make do. From generation to generation women don't change. We are able, we are capable and to heck with the idiots that are so ignorant they see motherhood as a second class thrift store.
    Thank you sweet Suzie for the award. I will dream deep and come up with some secrets to share for sure next week when I get take a break from sailing The Piccadilly.
    I like curry too, any time of day. Especially on pork chops or in a salad. You suck your thumb, I twist my curls, I knew there was a reason we saw eye to eye.
    Big hugs to you, I care about you!

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  23. Oooh interesting post Suzie!

    I personally would love to be a housewife but I would take the role "seriously" and like Angel said most people respond "only a" rather than take pride in the fact they're running a home (essentially a small business) and raising children.

    Victoria xx

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  24. Congratulations on your lovely award, Suzie! It is so well deserved. :) And thank you for a most thought-provoking and honest post. I very much enjoyed reading it, and I think you should definitely repost it on Mother's Day! Theresa

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  25. Suzie dearest,
    Thank you for visiting Nowhere! Yes, I did these drawings of the rats in watercolour pencils! Cheap things, really, but I am learning how to use color. I have always been an admirer of pen and ink drawings.

    Merci mille fois! Anita

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  26. Hi Suzie:D
    Gorgeous little spring fairy type creature you're creating there! and an interesting post... I feel over the past 30 years or so, slowly drumming in the notion 'women; you can have it all: career and children' (one is also expected to do those AND be a goddess in the kitchen and bedroom!).
    Bunkem! It's impossible to 'have it all' and this mindset has ruined the good old days of 'family' in my opinion.
    Great read as always. Have a brill week. Xx

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  27. What a contentious issue. Yes, i think to a certain extent mum's are undervalued, but nowhere near as much as they used to be. I chose to stay home with my kids and i'm glad i did - i don't think you can have it all and i don't want it all. Mums who work miss out on their children and mums who stay home miss career growth and options. I choose to miss the latter. Kids grow up fast and i don't want to miss that. I do work from home using the internet since my youngest started school, but only at a pace i can handle. We have a busy enough life as mum running homes.
    PS thank goodness my husband can cook so well! And thank goodness he works so hard to provide for us too so that i can be here for my kids.
    Cathy xx

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  28. Hey thank you for the award I didn't even realise I'd got it until I got to the end of the post, best surprise ever.

    What I find strange is that there's this pressure on women nowadays to have it all - the career AND the baby AND the beautiful house. In fact that's now expected of you. I think that's been mistaken as equality, "Well you can have it all now so you're equal", not exactly! You're expected to want to do it ALL and the same is not expected of men. No-one bats an eyelid if a man chooses a career over having children yet if a woman does the same she's cold-hearted and cruel. And if I man stays home to look after the baby it's done with a song and a dance and a "Isn't this amazing he's a stay at home Dad?!" whereas if a woman stays at home it's more a case of "well, yeah that's what we expected, get on with it."

    Don't think I'm explaining too well what I mean.

    Anyway.

    Thank you for your kind advice on the head vs heart post - still not sure where to go on that one!

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  29. Well, I have only just come online after several days absence and seen this thought-provoking posting. A great one to read, so give yourself an award for having a good way with words! At the start of the seventies when I had my children, it never occurred to me to go out to work. I just assumed I would be, and wanted to be, a stay at home Mum. But I never said it in a self-deprecating way when people asked me what I did... I proudly said I was a homemaker with two children. I didn't have to go out to work, so maybe that made the difference. Never in my life have I HAD to go out to work for financial reasons. When I did return to the workplace it was when my sons had left home and my life was truly mine again. I am back at home now for health reasons, and love it, absolutely love the freedom. And like you, I would be happy being a recluse, in fact, in many ways I am, rarely seeking the company of others, happy to share my time and our home with my husband when his working day is done.

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  30. PS There's an award waiting for you at mine!

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  31. To be honest I think the womans movement slightly shot ourselves in the foot... we now have labour saving devices that mean we can cram 48 hours work into 24... I went back to work full time when my daughter was 3 months old and it was the worst thing I ever did... but money was short and I had no choice... Jamie and I now have a strained relationship and she prefers to spend her time with my mum... thats why there's 8 years between our first and 2nd child... Mr P's jobs progressed and got better... so had mine and when we moved away from my parents (after a dissagreement over child raising) we decided that I could give up work and I fell pregnant with Danny... we are as thick as thieves and I would not give up our relationship for all the tea in china... I do feel underrated as a part of the human race but I don't care, I am expected to run the house, raise the children, keep the cars taxed and mot'd, do the paperwork for Mr P's contracting work... help out at school and be the doting daughter running errands and doing shopping mowing lawns and doing the gardening... to be honest if someone wrote what I do as a job description and actually put on paper that it was unpaid and done for love I am sure many would think it a joke, but us ladies still struggle on and get most of it done... knowing that it will all need doing again tomorrow and nobody probably noticed you had done it in the first place .. Mr P is a typical old fashioned man of 38 .. he has little to do with the children, doesn't cook, rarely washes up and does DIY when I am there to work alongside him to keep him motivated and progressing... hence I am exhausted!
    oh and don't forget the amount of praise required when the man of the house does do something extraordinary like make scrambled eggs on toast on a sunday morning... I then have to rave about it for hours thanking him for his exceptional skills and help...

    Sorry to drag on, and I am not bitter and twisted about it all... after the last 14 years of getting to this point you kinda learn to live with it and except it...

    This is my life, and there are plenty of good times to balance out the drudgery... lol

    X Alex

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  32. Thats quite a coincidence I've just had a similar conversation about women (me being the only one in the office) I got the reply that I should be at the sink....grrrr..... and then I realised that not only am I at the sink I am also at work full time and told them that in no uncertain terms....men.....We share a few similarities re: happy being alone and also being good company.
    Thankyou for sharing
    Karen

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  33. I quickly wanted to pop on and say hello and thank you for your very special comments on my post it meant alot to me and thank you for leaving me lovely, caring words X

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  34. Hi Suzie, Nice blog, I have been visited lately but I am here, also I wanted to let you know that we moved our blog to http://workshop.mariapalitousa.com/

    I hope to have you there
    maria

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I love getting comments and I read and appreciate every one of them. I always try to answer them, but if you don't get a response it will be because I couldn't find a link to you. Suzie. XXX :)